I am not in control

and it bugs the crap out of me!! Yes I have control issues, don't we all? Lately, our fertility issues, or lack of them, (I dont know if we can say we have any anymore, even though we're not pregnant) has really been on my mind. It was open enrollment time for insurance at work, so I had to decide what to do about coverage or lack there-of. Mine covers nothing infertility related. Honestly it didn't seem to cover much of anything, anything related. Ben's does or will as long as some things are medically documented, so we were discussing me switching to his. While doing my "research" I found that my current insurance will pay for an abortion but not anything infertility. That makes no sense to me and I won't go further with that because thats a whole other blog. The cost coming out of our paychecks will still be the same, so nothing lost there. Also, the new will have a lower deductible, which will be nice. The only thing is that I may have issues with them saying I have pre-existing, (I dont really know why, but I might) so in that case you have to wait 12-18 months for them to give you coverage for that, if I understood correctly. So, if thats the case, and it requires us to wait another year to do anything at the RE, I'm ok with it. Our pocketbooks will appreciate it as well. :)

I am a little frustrated these days. Since we know now that we're both ok and should be able to have kids just like everyone else, I don't know where we will go from here. I don't know what the next dr's appt will be like, what he will suggest or anything. I do know we can't afford it and we are leaning towards not going anymore. Which also frustrates me. Its like we got the ball rolling but we can't do anything else. I know it will all work out, I just have to be patient. I'm working on it. Somedays are much better than others.