vent

You know how you think of that one person to go to when you really need to talk? The people, be it a friend, mother, father, etc that always has the right thing to say to cheer you up or help you get over something?

I discovered that right now, none of those people have said the right things. Or they haven't said what I want to hear. I know its because they probably don't know what to say, but I'd almost wish some didn't say anything at all. I feel stupid and selfish for saying what I've said or for even going to them to let out my feelings. I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. And then I feel guilty for feeling guilty. I guess really all I've got is my husband to lean on and to talk to, since we're the only ones who can comfort each other. I also have all the other people going through this to lean on for support and encouragement, but they're just random people. Not someone I can call up or hang out with, they're just words on a screen from a message board.

I've never felt more alone. I really really want to talk about it but feel like there is no one that wants to hear it. I've always been the listener, now I need one. And then sometimes I dont want to talk about it, for all the reasons listed above. Emotional rollercoasters suck and I think I'm on for the long ride.

Guess I should just let it go or bottle it up, I'm good at doing that. Although, in the end, nothing good comes out of it. Maybe they have a support group at church, they have one for everything else. I eventually will blog in detail about what this is, because in the end, this will be my outlet probably. I'm just not ready to tell the whole world. It's nothing I should be ashamed of, I just have to decide how much to want to tell the world.

yes that was random, but I feel better, sorta. BTW, In no way am I saying that anyone I have vented to hasn't listened...I just have bad days, or afternoons. Today was one.